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Home | Family Constellations Explained | Workshops | How Can We Help You? | Services | Work & Business Published Articles > Satish’s Own Family Comstellation The Family ConstellationThe story of Satish’s own Family Constellation, published in Living Now, August 2005 issue We landed into a smoky, busy and an over populated Mumbai at the end of January 2005. There are 18 million Indians living in a city that is the size of Sydney. It took us 3 hours in the rush hour traffic to get to our hotel from the airport, by air-conditioned taxi; it wasn’t particularly well air-conditioned as the driver insisted on having the windows open, letting in all the fumes. Mumbai (like the rest of India) is confronting and challenging. On the one hand everyone seems to have mobile phones and television but on the other hand beggars are eating and sleeping on the roadside. After one day in Mumbai, the smoky and dusty atmosphere was getting to my chest and I was beginning to wheeze and cough. Yildiz was being affected too and her eyes had become bloodshot and were stinging. We decided to get out of this city and headed southeast to Pune (pronounced Poona), following the Lonely Planet Guide. When we got to Pune we found it had a similar atmosphere to Mumbai, but was marginally better. We decided to make the most of a bad situation and booked into a hotel for 2 nights. I was already looking at the flight schedules back to Australia. I was seriously thinking of heading back to Australia and was complaining that we could have had a fantastic holiday in Australia. The hotel staff recommended that we visit the Ghandi memorial and the Osho ashram. We decided to make the best of being tourists. The Osho ashram turned out to be a jewel. It was situated in the middle of Puna and was in a park-like setting. There were trees, waterfalls, marble clad buildings and everything was immaculately clean and well run. It had the biggest and prettiest outdoor swimming pool I had ever seen and it was heated! There was a lot of meditation going on but that wasn’t the only focus in case you didn’t want to do that. This was like a five star resort with filtered water, organic food, tennis, archery, dancing and lots of yoga and meditation (if you wanted it). Yildiz was in heaven. She was carried away by the spirituality in the ashram and I have to admit that I was surprised that I was too. I was really enjoying the meditations. The day after we got there, Yildiz noticed that the ashram was holding a family Constellations demonstration. She had read about Family Constellations and Bert Hellinger’s work the previous year. I didn’t know that she had wanted to learn more about this until now. We watched the demonstration and I was touched and curious. We booked into the following Family Constellations workshop where we did our own constellations and participated in other people’s constellations. It was very emotional and revealing to me. I was happy with this and ready to go off on rest of my holiday, travelling down to Kerella. I had resolved my main relationship issues by then. However, a further course was starting the following week in order to train Family Constellation’s practitioners. Yildiz was very interested in doing this as she could see how it would go very well in her counseling business. I don’t know why, but I decided to do it too. The course was held at the Osho Multiversity in Pune and below is a description of the process we went through. Family constellations allows family issues to be resolved by bringing in the souls of family members whether they are dead or alive. For example, in our constellations we had my grandfather, my father, my mother as well as my daughters represented. The only person physically present was me. My grandfather is dead, my mum and dad live in England, my daughters were in Australia and the constellation was held in India. Family Constellation is like linking into a cosmic internet. You know how you send an email and then miraculously an answer comes back to you. Family constellations is a bit like that, in that you ask for the energy of a person to be brought in. The energy then comes through the people present such that they feel what is happening for that person in that family through the constellation. For example, a person may be chosen to represent a father. That person will tune into the feelings of the father. The person (whose constellation we are doing) chooses who he/she wants to represent the family members and all the work is initially done through these people. The feelings of each member comes into each person they are representing and the facilitator asks them what they are feeling and what is going on. The person whose constellation it is just sits on the side and listens and watches. It is remarkable what comes out. The connection is with the soul and the subconscious. The facilitator finds out what the problem is and then helps the soul to resolve it. This process leads to deep fundamental shifts that can take weeks or months to settle into your new awareness. Alternatively some changes may be felt immediately. We noticed that the lines on the face often changed or softened and the body posture was also altered after a constellation. This is separate to the differences felt by the person. In addition, although the family constellation is for the person present - it often ripples out to other family members, even though they aren’t present. You don’t have to have family members present other than yourself. I will try to make you aware of the issues in my family. This is an important part of this process. What happens in a family is that painful things aren't discussed and so they become bigger than they should. Bringing them to light defuses them and they lose their power. The issues uncovered by Family Constellations with my dad were: 1) My dad had a huge bust-up with his family (especially my grandfather) and left for England. Dad had a huge resentment towards his family. I had subconsciously picked this up and started fighting his battle and carrying his pain. This is because children love their parents in what Hellinger calls “blind love”. My carrying this load caused resentment in my father because I didn't give him the respect for being able to handle things for himself. The other conflict was that I consciously loved my grandfather, yet my subconscious was telling me that my grandfather had done bad things to my dad. These conflicts helped in forcing me to leave home at seventeen, just as my dad had. Funnily enough, I passed this down to my two daughters and they too left home as soon as they could. 2) My dad was in England when my grandfather died and so he was never able to resolve the quarrel. Dad felt badly about this and again I picked up his anguish. 3) I had an issue where I resented being taken from a loving controlled environment in India to go to England where I had a lot of bad things happen to me like racial prejudice. I resented my dad for taking me to England (subconsciously). Funnily enough I think I passed this on to my daughters. Anyway, to resolve these issues we had to resolve the issue between dad and grandfather, then between myself and my grandfather, and then between my dad and I. Finally, I had to resolve these issues with my two daughters. Unknowingly, I chose the only 2 English-speaking women in the room to represent my daughters when I did my constellation. The other thing that had to be resolved was my distaste for India and this came from the way my dad was treated by my grandfather. In the Indian tradition, the eldest son inherits everything. My dad was the third eldest and so me missed out. I no longer hate India and am more accepting of the ways and customs of India. One of the biggest things that came out of our family constellations was that we were all grieving. This came from my dad's side because he wasn’t able to grieve for his father as he was so angry with him. When a parent doesn't grieve, then the children pick it up and they start grieving for the parents. This causes anger between the parents and the children as the parent recognises subconsciously what the children are doing. No parent wants his child burdened with grief. The parent rejects the child, because the parent feels that they are not getting respect from the child. Respect means that you carry your own load and other people (the children) should not interfere and take it on. This is entanglement. Anyway this has taken much longer than I thought and so I will be brief with my mother (this is where most of my grief originated): 1) My mother’s father died while she was living with my dad's family. It is traditional for the wife to go and live with the husband’s family, so she was living in a different town. The custom in Indian funerals is to have the cremation as soon as possible after a death. This meant that she wasn’t able to grieve for her father, as she wouldn’t have gone to the funeral. She carried this grief subconsciously for all of her life. She has been very ill for many years. According to what came out of my constellation, I took on this grief from my mother and also passed it on to my daughters. 2) My mother had a miscarriage and in Indian families this would not be discussed openly. I think I didn't find out till later what happened. I only knew that my mother was suddenly taken to hospital and I remembered being very distressed and upset. I was my mother's favourite son and when I visited her in hospital, she wouldn't let me go and held onto me tightly while she was sobbing uncontrollably. This was the point that her health started to deteriorate. The grief was passed on to her grandchild though me via the family cosmic energy. It seemed to have been picked up mainly by my youngest daughter in that she is the second child as I am. My mother's first issue was resolved by getting her to acknowledge this weight and grief she was carrying and to remove it from me, which in turn removed it from my daughters. Me acknowledging my dead brother and making a place for him in my heart resolved the second issue. Since then my second daughter (who has had health problems) has been very strong and well. The above issues were highlighted by my family constellation. What this has done is make me realise that I am the father and my children are innocent of their action towards me. It is always the parent's fault if anything goes wrong and I now fully accept this load. Children often try to help by helping the parent carry the load through what Bert Hellinger calls Blind Love. This is the natural love that children have for their parents but it is not the healthiest as it often results in entanglements if the parents have not cleared their birth of origin issues. This may come out in emotional problems or illness or difficulties in relationships. The love paths have now been unblocked and as a result I am able to have great relationships with my daughters, my parents and I feel with my grandfather (even though he is dead). I am now working part-time for my wife and doing family constellations. I was voted President of the Council of Vedic Astrologers in March 2005 and this has added to my spiritual journey. My life has changed in many ways and the gift I treasure more than anything else is being part of my family again. I can talk to my kids and my wife and understand what they are talking about. I recently became a Reiki Master and this seems to have opened more “spiritual doors”. Another thing I noticed was that I am no longer afraid of death but now look at it as a gateway.
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